Saturday 27 April 2013

Another crap week at work. The only thing left is to crossdress.

Well my senior management won't let up and I've had another bad week at work. I wonder why I bother putting all that effort in to it. Perhaps I should just cruise like so many others do. The only thing left to do it dress up. Put some feminine attire on and chill for the weekend.

My wife, S, the treasure that she is bought me a book.


You have to get your head around the fact that it's written for the American market and the majority of web links are aimed at that. I'm still reading and it hasn't yet motivated me to change.

And so I'm off to get my glad rags on and chill some more.

Saturday 20 April 2013

So much can happen in one week

There are many maxims in life but the two that always stick out in my mind are a week is a long time in politics and never resign. Well I can say that in my job it is very political but with a small p. This is bigger than office politics but it is a very large organisation dealing with thousands of people each day and every manager has to watch their back and I'm no different. Our senior manager has the power and the ability to make you a hero in the morning and then villain by the time you leave work.

Needless to say I've had the week from hell. I had all my products and systems under the scrutiny of a government inspector. Have you ever had that feeling that they knew what to look for because someone else had given them the heads up. Well that happened to me. This inspector spent so much time on a small part of my job that has had problems from day 1 but is such a small part of what I do. He was looking for problems and knew what to look for and find what he wanted. Then he fed back to me, my management team and my senior managers and he was reasonably positive. It pleased me, because the report I had done some months before, had correctly identified the problem areas and what needed to be done to rectify it. During his three day inspection he spent an inordinate amount of time with one particular area and with one particular member of my staff. The alarms bells were ringing all the time during his visit until his final report.

Now you might think I'm paranoid and I could have some sympathy with that view. So if I think my senior managers don't like what I'm doing then they must have been very disappointed in the outcome of the inspection. So I and my team left work very late on Thursday evening breathing a sigh of relief. Back to work yesterday to pick up the pieces of the inspection and with me feeling, to be honest, a bit smug at the result but it didn't last long.

The CEO made a visit and queried three members of my staff who told him they were dissatisfied with the inspectors report and that it didn't go far enough. So he asked there opinion of me. They didn't give him a favourable report on me and pointed to some weaknesses in our system. A weakness that I had already highlighted in my report and had been deemed by the inspector to be within tolerable limits but should be improved within the coming months. They also told him that a meeting called by my junior manager hadn't taken place because he failed to arrive. He sent me an email complaining bitterly about this. He pointed out what he said were significant weaknesses in my management because of this meeting not taking place and staff perceptions. The problem of course is that before I could respond to his first email which was sent before the meeting was arranged to place he then sent a further email out with more allegations about my ability as a manager.

Of course I had to respond to the first email pointing out that the meeting was arranged for 11am and therefore my junior could not have been late as he had sent his email out with a time stamp of 10.59 and therefore he must have spoken to him before this and that my junior manager wasn't late and told him he jumped to conclusions too soon about my culpability before he was in full knowledge of the facts. Of course he didn't like this so he then sent a further email and made further allegations. So endeth the working day. I left early completely fed up and pissed off. I was unable because of my mental state to complete two reports needed for Monday. I suppose on Monday I should walk around with a sign saying "Dead Man Walking". To be honest I don't know where to go with it. All I know is that me and my junior manager are exhausted. By lunchtime today we had worked more that 60 hours! What ever happened to the working time agreement?

Still trying to put work behind  me but the prospect of work on Monday looms above my like a dark cloud.

Last weekend my Ex, Jax, said she was going to have a heart to heart with my sister. They are best friends and I have a good relationship with Jax. Jax said that if she felt it was right she would raise with her the subject of crossdressing and if she felt she was accepting of it she would tell her about my crossdressing. Jax knows how much I struggle with it and I have always felt that if more people who were accepting of it knew then it would make life easier for me. Well Jax call last Sunday evening to tell me that she did have that conversation with her and she told her about me and how much I struggle with crossdressing and to my surprise she said that she was ok with it. I haven't spoken with my Sister since last week about this and to be honest I'm a bit nervous about it. Not sure what to say about it all. Last Sunday she sent me a text message after she found out. It said "Hi hope u are ok you will always be my brother and I will love you always xxx ring me when u can"  I haven't called her but I made excuses about being really busy, which I was, and despite the postive message from her I'm still very nervous about it. I don't even know how to start the conversation. I will have to speak with her today. I will probably send her a text message.

Last Saturday I dressed to go out with my wife and we went to Basildon Town Centre. Of all the places to travel to. I didn't go for a walk about there but I did get out of the car and buy the parking ticket. It was very busy as you can imagine for a Saturday and I got the usual odd looks.

 
 
S then drove me to a park and I went out for a walk there. Once again the few people that were there gave me odd looks. I'm not sure if it's more accepting to others if you,re out walking with a female or not.
 
 
 
If it was a warmer I could have spent more time there. I felt quite relaxed about being out and about. Because I feel so comfortable with what I'm wearing and the way I look it gives me confidence. It's all thanks to S who has toyed with the idea of a doing a dressing and friend service as a business to the crossdressing community.
 
 
 
I spent about an hour walking in the park and had a really nice time. My new friend J who I met a few weeks back wants to meet up again. He is very accepting of me as Carolyn and it's really refreshing to have a male friend like that and to be relaxed in the company of others.
 
 
I am still keen about my new hobby of sewing and will try and make a 'Tie Bag'. I hope it won't be difficult but I'll try and post the photos later perhaps.
 
Go to dress up today after such a stressful week. It will help.




Sunday 14 April 2013

Sunday 14th August 2013

Since my last blog I've made two more things. Still inspired by the Great British Sewing Bee. I've just got the book that accompanies the series too. How sad, I know I can't help myself. The second of my projects after the bag I made was a Pin Cushion shown here.


I learnt from this. My hand sewing hasn't yet been perfected and making it wasn't without its trials and tribulations. I found that I had to make the wrist band with the aid of the sewing machine. My first use of a sewing machine. It was enlightening to say the least.

My third project was to make a mini skirt from an old red flat sheet. I made loads of mistakes while doing it, but once again it was a steep learning curve. My wife kindly modelled it for me.


I would appreciate any comments you have that could help me improve. The process was simple enough but my skills weren't really up to the task. My main aim still remains the same i.e. to make my own dresses and skirts and this was just the first.

One thing is for sure is that I really do need to get lessons. I appreciate all the advice my wife is giving me doing this.

While I blog I'm watching for the umpteenth time Star Trek (The Prequel). I really love Sci Fi. It's amazing how many transvestites are into it. Perhaps we are the true aliens lol.

Thursday 11 April 2013

Thursday 11th April 2013

Last night I had to plumb the washing machine. It was one of the five minute jobs that actually just about 15 minutes. I was so surprised. Thought it was going to take ages. Still S was on hand to help which made it a lot easier.

Woke up early as usual and started work. I hate working while I'm on leave.

Not a good day weather wise here in the East of England. It's a fine mist rain and visibility down at the coast earlier on was murky. You couldn't see across the estuary. Before leaving this morning in male mode I wore bracelets on both wrists, a girly ring, pink stud earings, lip gloss and mascara. Also went into ASDA like it. People didn't seem to notice. I had a good walk along the seafront despite the weather.

Back home now on the computer checking out my usual websites.



Wednesday 10 April 2013

Wednesday 10th April

Just another day except I'm trapped at home waiting for the boys from Argos to deliver a new washing machine. Our old one is Kaput. Yes, I did think about dressing up for when they arrived but I'm not sure who would have been more freaked out by it, me or them? Anyway I've decided not to. Not brave enough but wearing a glittering bracelet and pink crystal stud earings and if that isn't a give away I don't know what will be. Answers on a postcard please :¬) They should arrive somewhere between 1 and 6pm. How crazy is that? When my iPhone was delivered I was told within the hour.

I went for my 2 mile walk this morning at the coast. A bit chilly but not too cold. It looked dismal across the estuary though. I wonder if Kent is getting a lashing. This is day three of my diet and I haven't weighed myself yet. My third day without bread. I think I'm feeling better already for it though.  I also read an article about dieting where it said that a calorie just isn't a calorie. Let me explain. Some calories are easier to burn off than others so it's important to eat the right calories. The article went on to say that those who took up just a low calorie diet weren't always guaranteed to lose much whereas those on say the Atkins diet would lose so much more. I don't even know what the Atkins diet is. I think it was a fad a few years back. I'll have to do some more research.

S and I were thinking about going to see the Rocky Horror Show somewhere but not sure how to dress up. Is there anywhere where you can buy costumes? I would like to know. I suppose we could try and knock something up.

I would like to dress up this afternoon. Not good at doing make-up though and S will be missed when I start to do it.

PM

Washing machine arrives at 2.30. I ask them if they are going to connect it. They say no and I argue with them. I said my wife paid for the connection. They apologise but they don't do connections. I get pissed off and let them know. Turns out my wife thought she paid for the connection but didn't. So now I have to connect it. It's not difficult but could do without the hassle.

Tuesday 9 April 2013

Tuesday 9th April 2013

Had some time off yesterday as I do today. I've been trying to lose weight. I know it worries my friends and family. I think they think I'm going to have a heart attack any minute. Perhaps I will. Anyway this is day two of my diet and I'm not feeling to bad on it. I'm trying to do without bread to see if it stops that bloated feeling and look that I get. I'm walking two miles a day, not far I know but it's a start. I stopped of in Leigh at an established Haberdashery which was called Richardsons. It was nice in there and I picked my material for my apron which is on my list to make for myself. I chose a pink and white gingham. Very girly. I'm going to edge it with some white lace that I think is called Anglais. I may even put a heart shaped pocket on it or perhaps some girly design. Ideas are welcome.

I also took the drive with my friend Julie (gg) to go to Tiptree and visit the so-called 'Cheap Shop'. Cheap it isn't. Just as pricey as Hobbycraft in my opinion. Still it will have anything that you want to do with Crafts and Arts. We later stopped off in a garden centre. I can't think of the name of it but it's the one where my wife, S, wants to take me fully dressed. I'm getting close to telling Julie about my crossdressing. I've been friends with her for a long time and I don't want that to change so telling is a risk.

I recieved an email this morning to say that my iPhone will be delivered between 11.33 and 12.33. Can't wait for it to come as being without a decent phone is tedious. I just love the apps and the facilities that an iPhone gives me. I also like to keep my photos store on there. I'm not sure whether to set it up with iCloud or Dropbox. Your advice on this is most welcome. I'll add some more to this throughout the day so check back from time to time.

Oh I nearly forgot. I've been wearing a very girly braclet and earing today while in male mode and haven't had any adverse reaction to it.

PM

My new iPhone has arrived. Yipeeeee!!! Now I can keep up to date with everything on the move. I might share this with some people. Feeling tired and hungry now. Think I need to get my head down soon. Hope to dress enfemme later and go for a walk.

Saturday 6 April 2013

My New Hobby

I want to make my own clothes. The only trouble is I know nothing about how clothes are made so last night I learned how to sew. I learned the difference between a running stitch and a back stitch. I practiced them both then set about making this.


Not bad is it?
 
I used three differnt kinds of materials, which includes the ribbon. It looks very girly but that's what I also love about it. I've never made anything like this before.
 
To be honest I've been inspired by the BBCs new series called the Great British Sewing Bee. I loved the programme so much I watched it twice. I've always wanted to make my own Sissy Dress so hopefully one day I'll have the skills to do it. I also want to make an Apron.
 
If anyone has any sewing or dressmaking tips I'd be pleased to hear them. I wonder if there are any other transvestites out there who make there own clothes. Currently I only know of one, Nancy Ball, who I've seen on flickr.

Saturday 6th April

Well another week has gone by but not without some high points. I spent most of it working. These short weeks that are punctuated by the Bank Holidays always seem to be longer. Perhaps it's the anticipation of it being a short week that makes it seem longer. I remember when I was a child and the summer holidays seem to go on forever. Children seem to have the knack of ignoring time and just getting on with life. Wish I could be like that again.

S and I went on to the Pier at Southend on Good Friday. We walked there and back which was a welcome exercise. It was really cold though. There is a new centre at the end of the Pier which we had been meaning to visit for some time. It wasn't worth it though. There was an exhibition of 'Only Fools and Horses' in the main part of the building. Although we loved the series the exhibition of it wasn't our thing. We stopped in the cafe and that was a bit disappointing too. It was very small and the range of food wasn't that good. So it was a tea cake with a cuppa.

Bank Holiday Monday was a bit different. I dressed in the evening and went to visit J. J is male and is fully accepting of me as Carolyn. He was a true gentleman and treated me very well. I hope I get a chance to visit him again soon. It was a 40 minute drive to his house and it's the furthest I've driven myself dressed enfemme.

This is a photo of me at Js
 
Also had a birthday during the week and now I'm 57! Yikes!!!

It's the afternoon now and I can tell you that this morning went very well. S took me for a drive to Basildon Town Centre to collect a book from the Post Office she bought for me called 'Miss Vera's Crossdress for Success'. Can't wait to start reading it. I stayed in the car but I did walk to the ticket machine to pay for the parking. It was nice walking in the fresh air and then standing in line behind a couple of women.  They did their best to ignore me. I've realised when I go out I'm a bit of a curiosity and most people just like to satisfy there curiosity and have a bit of a snicker.

This was taken just after I returned to the car.
 
S then drove to a few local woodland and heath spots for me to walk about. I've put the photos up on my flickr page. Looking forward to this evening so I can dress up again and go out and about.