Saturday 20 April 2013

So much can happen in one week

There are many maxims in life but the two that always stick out in my mind are a week is a long time in politics and never resign. Well I can say that in my job it is very political but with a small p. This is bigger than office politics but it is a very large organisation dealing with thousands of people each day and every manager has to watch their back and I'm no different. Our senior manager has the power and the ability to make you a hero in the morning and then villain by the time you leave work.

Needless to say I've had the week from hell. I had all my products and systems under the scrutiny of a government inspector. Have you ever had that feeling that they knew what to look for because someone else had given them the heads up. Well that happened to me. This inspector spent so much time on a small part of my job that has had problems from day 1 but is such a small part of what I do. He was looking for problems and knew what to look for and find what he wanted. Then he fed back to me, my management team and my senior managers and he was reasonably positive. It pleased me, because the report I had done some months before, had correctly identified the problem areas and what needed to be done to rectify it. During his three day inspection he spent an inordinate amount of time with one particular area and with one particular member of my staff. The alarms bells were ringing all the time during his visit until his final report.

Now you might think I'm paranoid and I could have some sympathy with that view. So if I think my senior managers don't like what I'm doing then they must have been very disappointed in the outcome of the inspection. So I and my team left work very late on Thursday evening breathing a sigh of relief. Back to work yesterday to pick up the pieces of the inspection and with me feeling, to be honest, a bit smug at the result but it didn't last long.

The CEO made a visit and queried three members of my staff who told him they were dissatisfied with the inspectors report and that it didn't go far enough. So he asked there opinion of me. They didn't give him a favourable report on me and pointed to some weaknesses in our system. A weakness that I had already highlighted in my report and had been deemed by the inspector to be within tolerable limits but should be improved within the coming months. They also told him that a meeting called by my junior manager hadn't taken place because he failed to arrive. He sent me an email complaining bitterly about this. He pointed out what he said were significant weaknesses in my management because of this meeting not taking place and staff perceptions. The problem of course is that before I could respond to his first email which was sent before the meeting was arranged to place he then sent a further email out with more allegations about my ability as a manager.

Of course I had to respond to the first email pointing out that the meeting was arranged for 11am and therefore my junior could not have been late as he had sent his email out with a time stamp of 10.59 and therefore he must have spoken to him before this and that my junior manager wasn't late and told him he jumped to conclusions too soon about my culpability before he was in full knowledge of the facts. Of course he didn't like this so he then sent a further email and made further allegations. So endeth the working day. I left early completely fed up and pissed off. I was unable because of my mental state to complete two reports needed for Monday. I suppose on Monday I should walk around with a sign saying "Dead Man Walking". To be honest I don't know where to go with it. All I know is that me and my junior manager are exhausted. By lunchtime today we had worked more that 60 hours! What ever happened to the working time agreement?

Still trying to put work behind  me but the prospect of work on Monday looms above my like a dark cloud.

Last weekend my Ex, Jax, said she was going to have a heart to heart with my sister. They are best friends and I have a good relationship with Jax. Jax said that if she felt it was right she would raise with her the subject of crossdressing and if she felt she was accepting of it she would tell her about my crossdressing. Jax knows how much I struggle with it and I have always felt that if more people who were accepting of it knew then it would make life easier for me. Well Jax call last Sunday evening to tell me that she did have that conversation with her and she told her about me and how much I struggle with crossdressing and to my surprise she said that she was ok with it. I haven't spoken with my Sister since last week about this and to be honest I'm a bit nervous about it. Not sure what to say about it all. Last Sunday she sent me a text message after she found out. It said "Hi hope u are ok you will always be my brother and I will love you always xxx ring me when u can"  I haven't called her but I made excuses about being really busy, which I was, and despite the postive message from her I'm still very nervous about it. I don't even know how to start the conversation. I will have to speak with her today. I will probably send her a text message.

Last Saturday I dressed to go out with my wife and we went to Basildon Town Centre. Of all the places to travel to. I didn't go for a walk about there but I did get out of the car and buy the parking ticket. It was very busy as you can imagine for a Saturday and I got the usual odd looks.

 
 
S then drove me to a park and I went out for a walk there. Once again the few people that were there gave me odd looks. I'm not sure if it's more accepting to others if you,re out walking with a female or not.
 
 
 
If it was a warmer I could have spent more time there. I felt quite relaxed about being out and about. Because I feel so comfortable with what I'm wearing and the way I look it gives me confidence. It's all thanks to S who has toyed with the idea of a doing a dressing and friend service as a business to the crossdressing community.
 
 
 
I spent about an hour walking in the park and had a really nice time. My new friend J who I met a few weeks back wants to meet up again. He is very accepting of me as Carolyn and it's really refreshing to have a male friend like that and to be relaxed in the company of others.
 
 
I am still keen about my new hobby of sewing and will try and make a 'Tie Bag'. I hope it won't be difficult but I'll try and post the photos later perhaps.
 
Go to dress up today after such a stressful week. It will help.




2 comments:

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  2. My Boyfriend Loves "My Crossdressing"...And He Likes To "Crossdress" Also !!!

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