Well if I haven't mentioned this before I'm out to my Sister. She was told ages ago by my Ex-Wife at the beginning of Summer. Since she was told though she hasn't mentioned a thing and now there exists this kind of awkwardness about it. My wife said she would speak to her if I wanted to but I think I should do it. It would clear the air.
Well my job ended at the beginning of the Summer and to be honest I'm glad to see the back of it. Been trying to find a Job and had an interview and got down to the last two and just missed out. I cocked up one of the questions.
Haven't really dressed in a while although last Saturday my wife bought me a top and skirt from Matalan so at the very least I should make the effort. The worst part of dressing up for me is the make-up. Not that I don't like doing it I do, but I'm not that good at it. I did think about going to the local college to get some lessons on doing it. I really don't want to go to anyone to have a make over because I won't learn anything and besides it isn't cheap is it.
When I do dress I do get a thrill going out but the downside is I'm not that confident about it. I think it's got a lot to do with my weight and have begun to do something about it. Half a stone so far. Been swimming about 4 times a week (20 lengths) and it has helped me feel better as well. When I do venture out people do stare but I think its probably more out of curiosity than anything else. Had a few people snickering but it has damaged me.
Tomorrow come what may I shall take the bit between my teeth, dress up and go out. Now I've said it I feel I really want to do it. I would love to spend a whole week just being Carolyn and doing what I normally do with all the normal interactions.
My wife said she would paint my nails tonight but going to the swimming pool tomorrow will raise some eyebrows I'm sure. I spoke with someone who I met and she wears clear nail polish most of the time.
If anyone has any ideas about where to go and what to do without getting too many stares I would appreciate your recommendation.
Wednesday 18 September 2013
Sunday 26 May 2013
Dressed for the 1st time in front Julie
In my last post I told you about coming out to my Julie. Well yesterday she visited me and my wife. We had the general chat about each others families. S and Julie started to talk about crafting which they are both very interested in.
Anyway over a cup of coffee Julie spied some costume jewellery on a small coffee table. She asked if they were mine and even before I could properly answer she put the bracelets on me along with two rings. S then said well you might as well get dressed. I was very nervous and my reluctance was overcome by Julie encouraging me.
It was the fastest I've ever got dressed. So coming down the stairs without my makeup was a little bit daunting but as soon as Julie saw me she started to compliment me. I can't tell you how happy it made me. Julie said she would paint my nails and she chose the colour. S did my make up and I was so happy. Julie stayed for about two hours and there was I, Carolyn, fully dressed in front of two women who fully accepted me as I am.
When Julie left S and me spent the evening with music and a glass of wine.
Anyway over a cup of coffee Julie spied some costume jewellery on a small coffee table. She asked if they were mine and even before I could properly answer she put the bracelets on me along with two rings. S then said well you might as well get dressed. I was very nervous and my reluctance was overcome by Julie encouraging me.
It was the fastest I've ever got dressed. So coming down the stairs without my makeup was a little bit daunting but as soon as Julie saw me she started to compliment me. I can't tell you how happy it made me. Julie said she would paint my nails and she chose the colour. S did my make up and I was so happy. Julie stayed for about two hours and there was I, Carolyn, fully dressed in front of two women who fully accepted me as I am.
When Julie left S and me spent the evening with music and a glass of wine.
This is me with Julie in the garden.
Friday 10 May 2013
Out to my Friend
Well a short while ago I mentioned about telling my friend Julie about my crossdressing. We have been friends for about 20 years and I was unsure how she would react when I told her. I was invited to hers for a cuppa last Tuesday. While there we had the usual chit chat about things when I said that I felt a bit embarrassed about something. She obviously asked what it was. So I just said that my Sister found out that I was a crossdresser. She immediately said "How did she find out?" And that's how Julie got to know about my crossdressing. I showed her some photos of me dressed and she complimented me. She was fantastic about it all and even suggested that I dress up and go out shopping with her. I told her things weren't that simple and that at times I felt low and even embarrassed about dressing and being seen. She pushed those doubts aside and gave me more encouragement to go out dressed and cited occasions where she had seen other crossdressers out and about. Even when I raised concerns about being ridiculed she pushed them aside and then said don't worry about them just do what you want to do.
That was a truly an amazing reaction and so much better than I thought it would be. But I just can't keep it all to myself anymore. She lives just down the road and sooner of later a neighbour will see anyway and I thought it better that she find out from me than from them.
With regards to my work situation it isn't getting any better and is in fact deteriorating and I don't think I can hang on to my job for much longer. It's causing me some problems as I think at my age, 57, despite reassurances about age discrimination it will be difficult to find another. So things are going to get a little tight and we are thinking of moving to a smaller property to help with the finances.
Well no matter what happens today and where we go I'm definitely going to dress up and have a girly day. My wife is still in bed and I don't know what we'll do but she said that we'll stay local-ish this weekend. It will be nice to spend the weekend together and we don't get much chance to do our own thing. She deserves the extra lay-in because she has very early starts (alarm goes off at 5.45am).
I read the TES article yesterday 'When Sir Becomes Miss' told about the tragedy of Lucy Meadows and I found it shocking that she was hounded by the press in what the Editor described as 'Venemous'. The article has references to others that have transitioned without any problems and gives a statistic that 1 in a 100 staff be affected by being transgendered. That's an amazing statistic and if you then include Transvestites then the figure has to be higher. So what about the 'inbetweeners'? Those of us who describe ourselves as Crossdressers or Transvestites? Where do we fit in? So it does seem to me that Transsexuals are becoming more acceptable than it is to be a Transvestite. That is not to say it isn't difficult to transition as the case of Lucy Meadows testifies. So those of us who remain in the closet, so to speak, are more heavily discriminated against. How do you tell your boss that on Monday I would like to be known as Tina but on Tuesday I'll be Bob again but on Wednesday although I'll be Bob I will be wearing nail varnish, earrings and lipstick! As you can see we still have a long way to go. Prejudice is every where and those of us who are part of the Trans Community have a long way to go as well. How can we hope to persuade others to accept us as we are when within our own community prejudice is rife. How many times have Transsexuals, both pre and post op, segregated themselves apart from those they describe as Hairy Panty Wearers and dismiss there feelings like their own experience is the only legitimate one. Let us look at our own community first before we judge the wider community because if we can't accept the spectrum of colours within then how can we ask those in 'Vanila World' to accept what we can't.
Lucy Meadows shouldn't become an old headline where in a news story she was called 'Selfish' but we should remember her struggle and remember how difficult her life was and that what she did she did she did for all of us.
It is strange that the newspaper that was so vitriolic about Lucy should publish, yesterday, an interesting article about a photographer, Mariette Pathy Allen, who has been photographing crossdressers for 35 years. The headline reads 'Beyond wigs and makeup: Photographer spends 35 years capturing cross-dressers on camera in a mission to 'de-freakify' them' You can read the article and look at the photos here http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2322309/Beyond-wigs-makeup-Photographer-spends-35-years-capturing-cross-dressers-camera-mission-freakify-them.html
It's a fascinating article and well worth the read. Some of the photos are amazing and this kind of positive image of us is very encouraging.
That was a truly an amazing reaction and so much better than I thought it would be. But I just can't keep it all to myself anymore. She lives just down the road and sooner of later a neighbour will see anyway and I thought it better that she find out from me than from them.
With regards to my work situation it isn't getting any better and is in fact deteriorating and I don't think I can hang on to my job for much longer. It's causing me some problems as I think at my age, 57, despite reassurances about age discrimination it will be difficult to find another. So things are going to get a little tight and we are thinking of moving to a smaller property to help with the finances.
Well no matter what happens today and where we go I'm definitely going to dress up and have a girly day. My wife is still in bed and I don't know what we'll do but she said that we'll stay local-ish this weekend. It will be nice to spend the weekend together and we don't get much chance to do our own thing. She deserves the extra lay-in because she has very early starts (alarm goes off at 5.45am).
I read the TES article yesterday 'When Sir Becomes Miss' told about the tragedy of Lucy Meadows and I found it shocking that she was hounded by the press in what the Editor described as 'Venemous'. The article has references to others that have transitioned without any problems and gives a statistic that 1 in a 100 staff be affected by being transgendered. That's an amazing statistic and if you then include Transvestites then the figure has to be higher. So what about the 'inbetweeners'? Those of us who describe ourselves as Crossdressers or Transvestites? Where do we fit in? So it does seem to me that Transsexuals are becoming more acceptable than it is to be a Transvestite. That is not to say it isn't difficult to transition as the case of Lucy Meadows testifies. So those of us who remain in the closet, so to speak, are more heavily discriminated against. How do you tell your boss that on Monday I would like to be known as Tina but on Tuesday I'll be Bob again but on Wednesday although I'll be Bob I will be wearing nail varnish, earrings and lipstick! As you can see we still have a long way to go. Prejudice is every where and those of us who are part of the Trans Community have a long way to go as well. How can we hope to persuade others to accept us as we are when within our own community prejudice is rife. How many times have Transsexuals, both pre and post op, segregated themselves apart from those they describe as Hairy Panty Wearers and dismiss there feelings like their own experience is the only legitimate one. Let us look at our own community first before we judge the wider community because if we can't accept the spectrum of colours within then how can we ask those in 'Vanila World' to accept what we can't.
Lucy Meadows shouldn't become an old headline where in a news story she was called 'Selfish' but we should remember her struggle and remember how difficult her life was and that what she did she did she did for all of us.
It is strange that the newspaper that was so vitriolic about Lucy should publish, yesterday, an interesting article about a photographer, Mariette Pathy Allen, who has been photographing crossdressers for 35 years. The headline reads 'Beyond wigs and makeup: Photographer spends 35 years capturing cross-dressers on camera in a mission to 'de-freakify' them' You can read the article and look at the photos here http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2322309/Beyond-wigs-makeup-Photographer-spends-35-years-capturing-cross-dressers-camera-mission-freakify-them.html
It's a fascinating article and well worth the read. Some of the photos are amazing and this kind of positive image of us is very encouraging.
Monday 6 May 2013
Bank Holiday Monday
Well my work problems still exist and if anything they are getting worse. Now my colleagues and my staff are all aware of something going on but they aren't all exactly sure what. This weekend hasn't therefore been the best for me but last night I changed my outlook and thought wtf. When it happens it happens.
Encouraged by my wife, S, I put my glad rags on and went out. I drove around to different places with a view to going for a walk but in the end stayed in the car and just spent an hour being Carolyn and enjoying myself.
I have recently made contact with a couple of people I used to know from a club in Shoreditch that I used to go to called London Friend it was a TV/TS group run by Yvonne Sinclair. I've heard she hasn't been in good health and I wish her all my best. I've made arrangements to meet these people in the not too distant future.
S said that later today we'll go for a drive and a walk. I'm looking forward to that.
Encouraged by my wife, S, I put my glad rags on and went out. I drove around to different places with a view to going for a walk but in the end stayed in the car and just spent an hour being Carolyn and enjoying myself.
I have recently made contact with a couple of people I used to know from a club in Shoreditch that I used to go to called London Friend it was a TV/TS group run by Yvonne Sinclair. I've heard she hasn't been in good health and I wish her all my best. I've made arrangements to meet these people in the not too distant future.
S said that later today we'll go for a drive and a walk. I'm looking forward to that.
Saturday 27 April 2013
Another crap week at work. The only thing left is to crossdress.
Well my senior management won't let up and I've had another bad week at work. I wonder why I bother putting all that effort in to it. Perhaps I should just cruise like so many others do. The only thing left to do it dress up. Put some feminine attire on and chill for the weekend.
My wife, S, the treasure that she is bought me a book.
You have to get your head around the fact that it's written for the American market and the majority of web links are aimed at that. I'm still reading and it hasn't yet motivated me to change.
And so I'm off to get my glad rags on and chill some more.
My wife, S, the treasure that she is bought me a book.
You have to get your head around the fact that it's written for the American market and the majority of web links are aimed at that. I'm still reading and it hasn't yet motivated me to change.
And so I'm off to get my glad rags on and chill some more.
Saturday 20 April 2013
So much can happen in one week
There are many maxims in life but the two that always stick out in my mind are a week is a long time in politics and never resign. Well I can say that in my job it is very political but with a small p. This is bigger than office politics but it is a very large organisation dealing with thousands of people each day and every manager has to watch their back and I'm no different. Our senior manager has the power and the ability to make you a hero in the morning and then villain by the time you leave work.
Needless to say I've had the week from hell. I had all my products and systems under the scrutiny of a government inspector. Have you ever had that feeling that they knew what to look for because someone else had given them the heads up. Well that happened to me. This inspector spent so much time on a small part of my job that has had problems from day 1 but is such a small part of what I do. He was looking for problems and knew what to look for and find what he wanted. Then he fed back to me, my management team and my senior managers and he was reasonably positive. It pleased me, because the report I had done some months before, had correctly identified the problem areas and what needed to be done to rectify it. During his three day inspection he spent an inordinate amount of time with one particular area and with one particular member of my staff. The alarms bells were ringing all the time during his visit until his final report.
Now you might think I'm paranoid and I could have some sympathy with that view. So if I think my senior managers don't like what I'm doing then they must have been very disappointed in the outcome of the inspection. So I and my team left work very late on Thursday evening breathing a sigh of relief. Back to work yesterday to pick up the pieces of the inspection and with me feeling, to be honest, a bit smug at the result but it didn't last long.
The CEO made a visit and queried three members of my staff who told him they were dissatisfied with the inspectors report and that it didn't go far enough. So he asked there opinion of me. They didn't give him a favourable report on me and pointed to some weaknesses in our system. A weakness that I had already highlighted in my report and had been deemed by the inspector to be within tolerable limits but should be improved within the coming months. They also told him that a meeting called by my junior manager hadn't taken place because he failed to arrive. He sent me an email complaining bitterly about this. He pointed out what he said were significant weaknesses in my management because of this meeting not taking place and staff perceptions. The problem of course is that before I could respond to his first email which was sent before the meeting was arranged to place he then sent a further email out with more allegations about my ability as a manager.
Of course I had to respond to the first email pointing out that the meeting was arranged for 11am and therefore my junior could not have been late as he had sent his email out with a time stamp of 10.59 and therefore he must have spoken to him before this and that my junior manager wasn't late and told him he jumped to conclusions too soon about my culpability before he was in full knowledge of the facts. Of course he didn't like this so he then sent a further email and made further allegations. So endeth the working day. I left early completely fed up and pissed off. I was unable because of my mental state to complete two reports needed for Monday. I suppose on Monday I should walk around with a sign saying "Dead Man Walking". To be honest I don't know where to go with it. All I know is that me and my junior manager are exhausted. By lunchtime today we had worked more that 60 hours! What ever happened to the working time agreement?
Still trying to put work behind me but the prospect of work on Monday looms above my like a dark cloud.
Last weekend my Ex, Jax, said she was going to have a heart to heart with my sister. They are best friends and I have a good relationship with Jax. Jax said that if she felt it was right she would raise with her the subject of crossdressing and if she felt she was accepting of it she would tell her about my crossdressing. Jax knows how much I struggle with it and I have always felt that if more people who were accepting of it knew then it would make life easier for me. Well Jax call last Sunday evening to tell me that she did have that conversation with her and she told her about me and how much I struggle with crossdressing and to my surprise she said that she was ok with it. I haven't spoken with my Sister since last week about this and to be honest I'm a bit nervous about it. Not sure what to say about it all. Last Sunday she sent me a text message after she found out. It said "Hi hope u are ok you will always be my brother and I will love you always xxx ring me when u can" I haven't called her but I made excuses about being really busy, which I was, and despite the postive message from her I'm still very nervous about it. I don't even know how to start the conversation. I will have to speak with her today. I will probably send her a text message.
Last Saturday I dressed to go out with my wife and we went to Basildon Town Centre. Of all the places to travel to. I didn't go for a walk about there but I did get out of the car and buy the parking ticket. It was very busy as you can imagine for a Saturday and I got the usual odd looks.
Needless to say I've had the week from hell. I had all my products and systems under the scrutiny of a government inspector. Have you ever had that feeling that they knew what to look for because someone else had given them the heads up. Well that happened to me. This inspector spent so much time on a small part of my job that has had problems from day 1 but is such a small part of what I do. He was looking for problems and knew what to look for and find what he wanted. Then he fed back to me, my management team and my senior managers and he was reasonably positive. It pleased me, because the report I had done some months before, had correctly identified the problem areas and what needed to be done to rectify it. During his three day inspection he spent an inordinate amount of time with one particular area and with one particular member of my staff. The alarms bells were ringing all the time during his visit until his final report.
Now you might think I'm paranoid and I could have some sympathy with that view. So if I think my senior managers don't like what I'm doing then they must have been very disappointed in the outcome of the inspection. So I and my team left work very late on Thursday evening breathing a sigh of relief. Back to work yesterday to pick up the pieces of the inspection and with me feeling, to be honest, a bit smug at the result but it didn't last long.
The CEO made a visit and queried three members of my staff who told him they were dissatisfied with the inspectors report and that it didn't go far enough. So he asked there opinion of me. They didn't give him a favourable report on me and pointed to some weaknesses in our system. A weakness that I had already highlighted in my report and had been deemed by the inspector to be within tolerable limits but should be improved within the coming months. They also told him that a meeting called by my junior manager hadn't taken place because he failed to arrive. He sent me an email complaining bitterly about this. He pointed out what he said were significant weaknesses in my management because of this meeting not taking place and staff perceptions. The problem of course is that before I could respond to his first email which was sent before the meeting was arranged to place he then sent a further email out with more allegations about my ability as a manager.
Of course I had to respond to the first email pointing out that the meeting was arranged for 11am and therefore my junior could not have been late as he had sent his email out with a time stamp of 10.59 and therefore he must have spoken to him before this and that my junior manager wasn't late and told him he jumped to conclusions too soon about my culpability before he was in full knowledge of the facts. Of course he didn't like this so he then sent a further email and made further allegations. So endeth the working day. I left early completely fed up and pissed off. I was unable because of my mental state to complete two reports needed for Monday. I suppose on Monday I should walk around with a sign saying "Dead Man Walking". To be honest I don't know where to go with it. All I know is that me and my junior manager are exhausted. By lunchtime today we had worked more that 60 hours! What ever happened to the working time agreement?
Still trying to put work behind me but the prospect of work on Monday looms above my like a dark cloud.
Last weekend my Ex, Jax, said she was going to have a heart to heart with my sister. They are best friends and I have a good relationship with Jax. Jax said that if she felt it was right she would raise with her the subject of crossdressing and if she felt she was accepting of it she would tell her about my crossdressing. Jax knows how much I struggle with it and I have always felt that if more people who were accepting of it knew then it would make life easier for me. Well Jax call last Sunday evening to tell me that she did have that conversation with her and she told her about me and how much I struggle with crossdressing and to my surprise she said that she was ok with it. I haven't spoken with my Sister since last week about this and to be honest I'm a bit nervous about it. Not sure what to say about it all. Last Sunday she sent me a text message after she found out. It said "Hi hope u are ok you will always be my brother and I will love you always xxx ring me when u can" I haven't called her but I made excuses about being really busy, which I was, and despite the postive message from her I'm still very nervous about it. I don't even know how to start the conversation. I will have to speak with her today. I will probably send her a text message.
Last Saturday I dressed to go out with my wife and we went to Basildon Town Centre. Of all the places to travel to. I didn't go for a walk about there but I did get out of the car and buy the parking ticket. It was very busy as you can imagine for a Saturday and I got the usual odd looks.
S then drove me to a park and I went out for a walk there. Once again the few people that were there gave me odd looks. I'm not sure if it's more accepting to others if you,re out walking with a female or not.
If it was a warmer I could have spent more time there. I felt quite relaxed about being out and about. Because I feel so comfortable with what I'm wearing and the way I look it gives me confidence. It's all thanks to S who has toyed with the idea of a doing a dressing and friend service as a business to the crossdressing community.
I spent about an hour walking in the park and had a really nice time. My new friend J who I met a few weeks back wants to meet up again. He is very accepting of me as Carolyn and it's really refreshing to have a male friend like that and to be relaxed in the company of others.
I am still keen about my new hobby of sewing and will try and make a 'Tie Bag'. I hope it won't be difficult but I'll try and post the photos later perhaps.
Go to dress up today after such a stressful week. It will help.
Sunday 14 April 2013
Sunday 14th August 2013
Since my last blog I've made two more things. Still inspired by the Great British Sewing Bee. I've just got the book that accompanies the series too. How sad, I know I can't help myself. The second of my projects after the bag I made was a Pin Cushion shown here.
I learnt from this. My hand sewing hasn't yet been perfected and making it wasn't without its trials and tribulations. I found that I had to make the wrist band with the aid of the sewing machine. My first use of a sewing machine. It was enlightening to say the least.
My third project was to make a mini skirt from an old red flat sheet. I made loads of mistakes while doing it, but once again it was a steep learning curve. My wife kindly modelled it for me.
I would appreciate any comments you have that could help me improve. The process was simple enough but my skills weren't really up to the task. My main aim still remains the same i.e. to make my own dresses and skirts and this was just the first.
One thing is for sure is that I really do need to get lessons. I appreciate all the advice my wife is giving me doing this.
While I blog I'm watching for the umpteenth time Star Trek (The Prequel). I really love Sci Fi. It's amazing how many transvestites are into it. Perhaps we are the true aliens lol.
I learnt from this. My hand sewing hasn't yet been perfected and making it wasn't without its trials and tribulations. I found that I had to make the wrist band with the aid of the sewing machine. My first use of a sewing machine. It was enlightening to say the least.
My third project was to make a mini skirt from an old red flat sheet. I made loads of mistakes while doing it, but once again it was a steep learning curve. My wife kindly modelled it for me.
I would appreciate any comments you have that could help me improve. The process was simple enough but my skills weren't really up to the task. My main aim still remains the same i.e. to make my own dresses and skirts and this was just the first.
One thing is for sure is that I really do need to get lessons. I appreciate all the advice my wife is giving me doing this.
While I blog I'm watching for the umpteenth time Star Trek (The Prequel). I really love Sci Fi. It's amazing how many transvestites are into it. Perhaps we are the true aliens lol.
Thursday 11 April 2013
Thursday 11th April 2013
Last night I had to plumb the washing machine. It was one of the five minute jobs that actually just about 15 minutes. I was so surprised. Thought it was going to take ages. Still S was on hand to help which made it a lot easier.
Woke up early as usual and started work. I hate working while I'm on leave.
Not a good day weather wise here in the East of England. It's a fine mist rain and visibility down at the coast earlier on was murky. You couldn't see across the estuary. Before leaving this morning in male mode I wore bracelets on both wrists, a girly ring, pink stud earings, lip gloss and mascara. Also went into ASDA like it. People didn't seem to notice. I had a good walk along the seafront despite the weather.
Back home now on the computer checking out my usual websites.
Woke up early as usual and started work. I hate working while I'm on leave.
Not a good day weather wise here in the East of England. It's a fine mist rain and visibility down at the coast earlier on was murky. You couldn't see across the estuary. Before leaving this morning in male mode I wore bracelets on both wrists, a girly ring, pink stud earings, lip gloss and mascara. Also went into ASDA like it. People didn't seem to notice. I had a good walk along the seafront despite the weather.
Back home now on the computer checking out my usual websites.
Wednesday 10 April 2013
Wednesday 10th April
Just another day except I'm trapped at home waiting for the boys from Argos to deliver a new washing machine. Our old one is Kaput. Yes, I did think about dressing up for when they arrived but I'm not sure who would have been more freaked out by it, me or them? Anyway I've decided not to. Not brave enough but wearing a glittering bracelet and pink crystal stud earings and if that isn't a give away I don't know what will be. Answers on a postcard please :¬) They should arrive somewhere between 1 and 6pm. How crazy is that? When my iPhone was delivered I was told within the hour.
I went for my 2 mile walk this morning at the coast. A bit chilly but not too cold. It looked dismal across the estuary though. I wonder if Kent is getting a lashing. This is day three of my diet and I haven't weighed myself yet. My third day without bread. I think I'm feeling better already for it though. I also read an article about dieting where it said that a calorie just isn't a calorie. Let me explain. Some calories are easier to burn off than others so it's important to eat the right calories. The article went on to say that those who took up just a low calorie diet weren't always guaranteed to lose much whereas those on say the Atkins diet would lose so much more. I don't even know what the Atkins diet is. I think it was a fad a few years back. I'll have to do some more research.
S and I were thinking about going to see the Rocky Horror Show somewhere but not sure how to dress up. Is there anywhere where you can buy costumes? I would like to know. I suppose we could try and knock something up.
I would like to dress up this afternoon. Not good at doing make-up though and S will be missed when I start to do it.
PM
Washing machine arrives at 2.30. I ask them if they are going to connect it. They say no and I argue with them. I said my wife paid for the connection. They apologise but they don't do connections. I get pissed off and let them know. Turns out my wife thought she paid for the connection but didn't. So now I have to connect it. It's not difficult but could do without the hassle.
I went for my 2 mile walk this morning at the coast. A bit chilly but not too cold. It looked dismal across the estuary though. I wonder if Kent is getting a lashing. This is day three of my diet and I haven't weighed myself yet. My third day without bread. I think I'm feeling better already for it though. I also read an article about dieting where it said that a calorie just isn't a calorie. Let me explain. Some calories are easier to burn off than others so it's important to eat the right calories. The article went on to say that those who took up just a low calorie diet weren't always guaranteed to lose much whereas those on say the Atkins diet would lose so much more. I don't even know what the Atkins diet is. I think it was a fad a few years back. I'll have to do some more research.
S and I were thinking about going to see the Rocky Horror Show somewhere but not sure how to dress up. Is there anywhere where you can buy costumes? I would like to know. I suppose we could try and knock something up.
I would like to dress up this afternoon. Not good at doing make-up though and S will be missed when I start to do it.
PM
Washing machine arrives at 2.30. I ask them if they are going to connect it. They say no and I argue with them. I said my wife paid for the connection. They apologise but they don't do connections. I get pissed off and let them know. Turns out my wife thought she paid for the connection but didn't. So now I have to connect it. It's not difficult but could do without the hassle.
Tuesday 9 April 2013
Tuesday 9th April 2013
Had some time off yesterday as I do today. I've been trying to lose weight. I know it worries my friends and family. I think they think I'm going to have a heart attack any minute. Perhaps I will. Anyway this is day two of my diet and I'm not feeling to bad on it. I'm trying to do without bread to see if it stops that bloated feeling and look that I get. I'm walking two miles a day, not far I know but it's a start. I stopped of in Leigh at an established Haberdashery which was called Richardsons. It was nice in there and I picked my material for my apron which is on my list to make for myself. I chose a pink and white gingham. Very girly. I'm going to edge it with some white lace that I think is called Anglais. I may even put a heart shaped pocket on it or perhaps some girly design. Ideas are welcome.
I also took the drive with my friend Julie (gg) to go to Tiptree and visit the so-called 'Cheap Shop'. Cheap it isn't. Just as pricey as Hobbycraft in my opinion. Still it will have anything that you want to do with Crafts and Arts. We later stopped off in a garden centre. I can't think of the name of it but it's the one where my wife, S, wants to take me fully dressed. I'm getting close to telling Julie about my crossdressing. I've been friends with her for a long time and I don't want that to change so telling is a risk.
I recieved an email this morning to say that my iPhone will be delivered between 11.33 and 12.33. Can't wait for it to come as being without a decent phone is tedious. I just love the apps and the facilities that an iPhone gives me. I also like to keep my photos store on there. I'm not sure whether to set it up with iCloud or Dropbox. Your advice on this is most welcome. I'll add some more to this throughout the day so check back from time to time.
Oh I nearly forgot. I've been wearing a very girly braclet and earing today while in male mode and haven't had any adverse reaction to it.
PM
My new iPhone has arrived. Yipeeeee!!! Now I can keep up to date with everything on the move. I might share this with some people. Feeling tired and hungry now. Think I need to get my head down soon. Hope to dress enfemme later and go for a walk.
I also took the drive with my friend Julie (gg) to go to Tiptree and visit the so-called 'Cheap Shop'. Cheap it isn't. Just as pricey as Hobbycraft in my opinion. Still it will have anything that you want to do with Crafts and Arts. We later stopped off in a garden centre. I can't think of the name of it but it's the one where my wife, S, wants to take me fully dressed. I'm getting close to telling Julie about my crossdressing. I've been friends with her for a long time and I don't want that to change so telling is a risk.
I recieved an email this morning to say that my iPhone will be delivered between 11.33 and 12.33. Can't wait for it to come as being without a decent phone is tedious. I just love the apps and the facilities that an iPhone gives me. I also like to keep my photos store on there. I'm not sure whether to set it up with iCloud or Dropbox. Your advice on this is most welcome. I'll add some more to this throughout the day so check back from time to time.
Oh I nearly forgot. I've been wearing a very girly braclet and earing today while in male mode and haven't had any adverse reaction to it.
PM
My new iPhone has arrived. Yipeeeee!!! Now I can keep up to date with everything on the move. I might share this with some people. Feeling tired and hungry now. Think I need to get my head down soon. Hope to dress enfemme later and go for a walk.
Saturday 6 April 2013
My New Hobby
I want to make my own clothes. The only trouble is I know nothing about how clothes are made so last night I learned how to sew. I learned the difference between a running stitch and a back stitch. I practiced them both then set about making this.
Not bad is it?
I used three differnt kinds of materials, which includes the ribbon. It looks very girly but that's what I also love about it. I've never made anything like this before.
To be honest I've been inspired by the BBCs new series called the Great British Sewing Bee. I loved the programme so much I watched it twice. I've always wanted to make my own Sissy Dress so hopefully one day I'll have the skills to do it. I also want to make an Apron.
If anyone has any sewing or dressmaking tips I'd be pleased to hear them. I wonder if there are any other transvestites out there who make there own clothes. Currently I only know of one, Nancy Ball, who I've seen on flickr.
Saturday 6th April
Well another week has gone by but not without some high points. I spent most of it working. These short weeks that are punctuated by the Bank Holidays always seem to be longer. Perhaps it's the anticipation of it being a short week that makes it seem longer. I remember when I was a child and the summer holidays seem to go on forever. Children seem to have the knack of ignoring time and just getting on with life. Wish I could be like that again.
S and I went on to the Pier at Southend on Good Friday. We walked there and back which was a welcome exercise. It was really cold though. There is a new centre at the end of the Pier which we had been meaning to visit for some time. It wasn't worth it though. There was an exhibition of 'Only Fools and Horses' in the main part of the building. Although we loved the series the exhibition of it wasn't our thing. We stopped in the cafe and that was a bit disappointing too. It was very small and the range of food wasn't that good. So it was a tea cake with a cuppa.
Bank Holiday Monday was a bit different. I dressed in the evening and went to visit J. J is male and is fully accepting of me as Carolyn. He was a true gentleman and treated me very well. I hope I get a chance to visit him again soon. It was a 40 minute drive to his house and it's the furthest I've driven myself dressed enfemme.
S and I went on to the Pier at Southend on Good Friday. We walked there and back which was a welcome exercise. It was really cold though. There is a new centre at the end of the Pier which we had been meaning to visit for some time. It wasn't worth it though. There was an exhibition of 'Only Fools and Horses' in the main part of the building. Although we loved the series the exhibition of it wasn't our thing. We stopped in the cafe and that was a bit disappointing too. It was very small and the range of food wasn't that good. So it was a tea cake with a cuppa.
Bank Holiday Monday was a bit different. I dressed in the evening and went to visit J. J is male and is fully accepting of me as Carolyn. He was a true gentleman and treated me very well. I hope I get a chance to visit him again soon. It was a 40 minute drive to his house and it's the furthest I've driven myself dressed enfemme.
This is a photo of me at Js
Also had a birthday during the week and now I'm 57! Yikes!!!
It's the afternoon now and I can tell you that this morning went very well. S took me for a drive to Basildon Town Centre to collect a book from the Post Office she bought for me called 'Miss Vera's Crossdress for Success'. Can't wait to start reading it. I stayed in the car but I did walk to the ticket machine to pay for the parking. It was nice walking in the fresh air and then standing in line behind a couple of women. They did their best to ignore me. I've realised when I go out I'm a bit of a curiosity and most people just like to satisfy there curiosity and have a bit of a snicker.
It's the afternoon now and I can tell you that this morning went very well. S took me for a drive to Basildon Town Centre to collect a book from the Post Office she bought for me called 'Miss Vera's Crossdress for Success'. Can't wait to start reading it. I stayed in the car but I did walk to the ticket machine to pay for the parking. It was nice walking in the fresh air and then standing in line behind a couple of women. They did their best to ignore me. I've realised when I go out I'm a bit of a curiosity and most people just like to satisfy there curiosity and have a bit of a snicker.
This was taken just after I returned to the car.
S then drove to a few local woodland and heath spots for me to walk about. I've put the photos up on my flickr page. Looking forward to this evening so I can dress up again and go out and about.
Sunday 31 March 2013
Went to the Woods
S and I went to a Suffolk Woodland yesterday. I thought I would get a chance to put my new outfit on but it didn't happen. Instead I dressed in a black woollen tunic and fishnet tights. I dressed at home so the drive was also exciting. S doesn't mind doing the driving while I'm dressed so I can enjoy the myself and chill out. The most nervous moments are getting out of the house but I'm beginning to get philosophical about it all in so much that if I get seen then I get seen. The drive took just under two hours and because we left late we headed for the fish and chip restaurant. S went in to get the food and I sat in the car. As always, I suppose I'm a bit of a curiosity, people seem to stare somewhat. It was a busy car park and a popular destination. I normally wear sunglasses so it makes it easier for me to see who's looking.
After our food, which was yummy by the way and didn't do anything to help my diet at all, we went to a local woodland car park which is fairly secluded, apart from some walkers and dog owners, and somewhere I can get out and have a walk. Of course I get seen and it is a bit scary but I managed to enjoy myself. Such freedom is virtually impossible to get closer to home. Perhaps I should be bolder and from time to time I am. This has included a 35 minute circular walk (see below).
S took a couple of photos of me which are included here.
You can't see it very well in the photos but I was also wearing a bright pink chain necklace and bracelet.
After a couple of hours walking about we moved on to somewhere else and we must have been noticed because a blue saloon car followed. We pulled up on small parking spot next to the woodland and I got out. I was then followed by the man who caught up with me and we stood having a conversation about my crossdressing. I never got his name but he seemed more interested in looking at S and after about 20 minutes he moved on
A Little Home Excursion
A short while ago, a Sunday evening, I was so fed up I decided, probably in a moment of madness, to go out for a walk dressed enfemme from home. I planned a circular route from home and the trip both S and I calculated to be about 15 minutes. Well we got that wrong because it took just over half an hour. I decided to wear my red shift dress and my coat as it was cold. I was quite brave at first but as I got further away from the safety of my home the nerves started to take hold. Fortunately the excitement of being out dressed overcame the nerves. So turning left out of my home I headed up the road passing on the way the neighbour's home would recognise if they saw me but under the cover of darkness it helped to keep my secret safe. Our road is fairly busy and cars were going by all the time. I don't mind the cars coming from behind me, it's the cars coming towards you that cause problems because you are in their headlights and the our road isn't that well lit. After a few hundred yards I turned left onto **** Road. This road is heavily populated residential area. The odd car passed by but the walk up the hill to the major A road went without incident and I tried to enjoy the feeling of being out dressed as woman. As I reached the A road I was surprised just how well it was lit and although I've driven up and down this road many times I hadn't really noticed it before. Cars were going past me a some speed so by the time they realised what I was, if they did, it was already too late. I walked past a speed camera and wondered that if it went off would I be in the photo. The thought amused me to think of me being captured like that. The most nerve wracking part was going to be walking past McDonalds which was on the next corner. Looking through the window as I went past there weren't many in there, but turning the corner and crossing the road to the entrance there were plenty of cars going in and out for the drive thru. I had to wait while a couple of cars drove slowly across my path and I was definitely seen then. I walked across the road caught in a car's headlights. Keeping my head down and trying to do my most feminine walk I soldiered on (should that be womaned on lol). What else could I do. I was now nearer home going on than to turn around and go back. When I came to a mini roundabout I had to wait while a car went by before crossing but as I did my heart raced because of couple of likely lads appeared walking towards me from across the roundabout. My fear was that if they chose the direction I was going in it meant that they would be behind me and if they saw what I was then they could have easily have followed me back to my home. Fortunately for the me the lure of McDonalds must have been greater because they headed off in that direction. Just another 100 yards and I would be back in my road. As I turned the corner my next fear was if a neighbour was out walking their dog and they would be coming directly towards me. My friends house was the first house I passed and they were thankfully inside. When I looked down road I could see it was clear and the only problem might be if a neighbour was to appear from their drive. Turning on to my drive I remember smiling at just achieving such a milestone. It's something I've always wanted to do. It took just over 30 minutes and gave me a lot of confidence and a chance to practice my girly walk.
Visit to Ikea
Just been told by S that if I wanted to I can go dressed enfemme to Ikea this morning. Not so sure about it. Too many people. Too scary. Just had a thought....its April Fools day to day. Maybe its her way of having a joke on me.
After our food, which was yummy by the way and didn't do anything to help my diet at all, we went to a local woodland car park which is fairly secluded, apart from some walkers and dog owners, and somewhere I can get out and have a walk. Of course I get seen and it is a bit scary but I managed to enjoy myself. Such freedom is virtually impossible to get closer to home. Perhaps I should be bolder and from time to time I am. This has included a 35 minute circular walk (see below).
S took a couple of photos of me which are included here.
I never realised that the tunic was that short. Still I guess the clue is in the word tunic and not dress. Incidently I get a lot of people saying I should be wearing high heels and if I found them comfortable then I would wear them, but I don't so I only wear them occasionally. The highest heel I wear for comfort is about a 1 1/2 inch wedge shoes. The other thing about high heels is that they tend to sink into soft ground which is what the woodlands is made up of.
You can't see it very well in the photos but I was also wearing a bright pink chain necklace and bracelet.
After a couple of hours walking about we moved on to somewhere else and we must have been noticed because a blue saloon car followed. We pulled up on small parking spot next to the woodland and I got out. I was then followed by the man who caught up with me and we stood having a conversation about my crossdressing. I never got his name but he seemed more interested in looking at S and after about 20 minutes he moved on
A Little Home Excursion
A short while ago, a Sunday evening, I was so fed up I decided, probably in a moment of madness, to go out for a walk dressed enfemme from home. I planned a circular route from home and the trip both S and I calculated to be about 15 minutes. Well we got that wrong because it took just over half an hour. I decided to wear my red shift dress and my coat as it was cold. I was quite brave at first but as I got further away from the safety of my home the nerves started to take hold. Fortunately the excitement of being out dressed overcame the nerves. So turning left out of my home I headed up the road passing on the way the neighbour's home would recognise if they saw me but under the cover of darkness it helped to keep my secret safe. Our road is fairly busy and cars were going by all the time. I don't mind the cars coming from behind me, it's the cars coming towards you that cause problems because you are in their headlights and the our road isn't that well lit. After a few hundred yards I turned left onto **** Road. This road is heavily populated residential area. The odd car passed by but the walk up the hill to the major A road went without incident and I tried to enjoy the feeling of being out dressed as woman. As I reached the A road I was surprised just how well it was lit and although I've driven up and down this road many times I hadn't really noticed it before. Cars were going past me a some speed so by the time they realised what I was, if they did, it was already too late. I walked past a speed camera and wondered that if it went off would I be in the photo. The thought amused me to think of me being captured like that. The most nerve wracking part was going to be walking past McDonalds which was on the next corner. Looking through the window as I went past there weren't many in there, but turning the corner and crossing the road to the entrance there were plenty of cars going in and out for the drive thru. I had to wait while a couple of cars drove slowly across my path and I was definitely seen then. I walked across the road caught in a car's headlights. Keeping my head down and trying to do my most feminine walk I soldiered on (should that be womaned on lol). What else could I do. I was now nearer home going on than to turn around and go back. When I came to a mini roundabout I had to wait while a car went by before crossing but as I did my heart raced because of couple of likely lads appeared walking towards me from across the roundabout. My fear was that if they chose the direction I was going in it meant that they would be behind me and if they saw what I was then they could have easily have followed me back to my home. Fortunately for the me the lure of McDonalds must have been greater because they headed off in that direction. Just another 100 yards and I would be back in my road. As I turned the corner my next fear was if a neighbour was out walking their dog and they would be coming directly towards me. My friends house was the first house I passed and they were thankfully inside. When I looked down road I could see it was clear and the only problem might be if a neighbour was to appear from their drive. Turning on to my drive I remember smiling at just achieving such a milestone. It's something I've always wanted to do. It took just over 30 minutes and gave me a lot of confidence and a chance to practice my girly walk.
Visit to Ikea
Just been told by S that if I wanted to I can go dressed enfemme to Ikea this morning. Not so sure about it. Too many people. Too scary. Just had a thought....its April Fools day to day. Maybe its her way of having a joke on me.
Saturday 30 March 2013
Revitalised
I had a really good day yesterday. My wife decided that it was time we went shopping and bought a new dress, shoes and some costume jewellery for me. She is so good to me. We went into Evans because they have the sizes that will fit me. We spent some time looking about and although I was in male mode I did wear mascara, a pair of owl studs, a feminine ring and a couple of bracelets. So I don't think it could be missed by the shop assistants who we were shopping for. We found a dress and my wife also bought me a shrug to go with it. I'll post a photo later as she has said we'll go for a walk around a garden centre this morning. I didn't have the courage to ask if I could try the dress on in the shop although I really wanted to. There is nothing more disappointing than getting home with all your goodies only to find that what you bought doesn't fit.
In Evans I also got some costume jewellery which include a bracelet, necklace and a ring.
After shopping in Evans we made our way to Brantano's who have a good selection of shoes. We found a pair of wedge heeled shoes with a 1 1/2 inch heels. I did try them on and yes I spotted by other customers but I thought what the hell.
After getting these I'm in girly heaven, revitalised and I'm now looking forward to going out today in them and walking about getting photos. I'll post a couple of photos on here later.
For some time now I've been toying with the idea to tell other people about my crossdressing or at least not being so secretive about it all. It does worry me and I'm concerned not so much about people not accepting but of ridicule and persecution. Yes, I'm also worried about my employers finding out as well. It's difficult to know how people will respond and I would appreciate if anyone else out there could share their experiences.
In Evans I also got some costume jewellery which include a bracelet, necklace and a ring.
After shopping in Evans we made our way to Brantano's who have a good selection of shoes. We found a pair of wedge heeled shoes with a 1 1/2 inch heels. I did try them on and yes I spotted by other customers but I thought what the hell.
After getting these I'm in girly heaven, revitalised and I'm now looking forward to going out today in them and walking about getting photos. I'll post a couple of photos on here later.
For some time now I've been toying with the idea to tell other people about my crossdressing or at least not being so secretive about it all. It does worry me and I'm concerned not so much about people not accepting but of ridicule and persecution. Yes, I'm also worried about my employers finding out as well. It's difficult to know how people will respond and I would appreciate if anyone else out there could share their experiences.
Friday 8 February 2013
The Urge to Purge
It's been over three months now and I have this downer on my crossdressing. I'm not why I go through this every now and then but I do. If it wasn't for my wife I would have chucked all my girly things away for the umpteenth time, but she is always there encouraging me.
I know this may sound strange to some of you but she missed me being Carolyn. She enjoys who I become. She especially misses our girly nights in chatting about stuff over a glass of Sauvignon. I did dress 4 times including this morning in those three months. Two of those times were because she insisted. When I did dress I really didn't feel like it and it didn't inspire me to dress again. I think I'm through it now because the other night I dressed and went out my home and walked for nearly half and hour. Not sure where the courage came from as I've said before I don't really look the part and did get some odd looks. Fortunately no trouble which is what we all fear when we venture out.
This morning I'm wearing what's in the photo below. I did try high heels but they were too uncomfortable for me. They are lovely though.
Except I was wearing a pair of flat Mary Janes.
It was dark outside and still is. A neighbour walked right past me and didn't see. I think I would have frightened her had she seen me.
Going to go out today but not sure where. My wife says we'll go somewhere. Suffolk or Norfolk is always a favourite if she wants me to dress.
I know this may sound strange to some of you but she missed me being Carolyn. She enjoys who I become. She especially misses our girly nights in chatting about stuff over a glass of Sauvignon. I did dress 4 times including this morning in those three months. Two of those times were because she insisted. When I did dress I really didn't feel like it and it didn't inspire me to dress again. I think I'm through it now because the other night I dressed and went out my home and walked for nearly half and hour. Not sure where the courage came from as I've said before I don't really look the part and did get some odd looks. Fortunately no trouble which is what we all fear when we venture out.
This morning I'm wearing what's in the photo below. I did try high heels but they were too uncomfortable for me. They are lovely though.
It was dark outside and still is. A neighbour walked right past me and didn't see. I think I would have frightened her had she seen me.
Going to go out today but not sure where. My wife says we'll go somewhere. Suffolk or Norfolk is always a favourite if she wants me to dress.
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