Trip to Canvey Island

Weather wise it was quite a nice day so my wife said "How about dressing up and going for a walk?" We both had it on our mind that I need to sort out my wig which we bought previously purchased from Angel Wigs. It is a nice quality wig but I hadn't worn it much due to it being too much hair. Linda, the owner of Angel Wigs, had said to live with for a while before deciding what to do. Now I needed it restyling

So a phone call to Linda at angelwigs.co.uk and an appointment was made. When I was buying the wig Linda made the trip to my home. This time I would make the trip to Linda's new salon fully dressed enfemme. Angel wigs is in the High St (Furtherwick Road) but the car park was behind the salon in Sainsbury's Car Park. So it meant walking through the streets to the salon. How nerve wracking. I haven't been so nervous before but also so lovely to be out dressed.

The car park was very full and people everywhere. With encouragement from my wife I made my way out of the car and put my coat on. It was quiet windy and the feel of the wind through my hair and clothes made me feel so girly. It was so windy it blew my dress up several times and some passersby got a glimpse of stocking. I made the most of the walk and it was a new experience for me. Of course I was aware of some people staring but generally most people ignored me.

When entered the Salon we were greeted by one of Linda's team and who made us feel so welcome. We were offered a seat while waiting and a tea and a coffee. The professionalism of this salon is exceptional and I and my wife were made to feel very welcome and put at ease. I was really looking forward to the styling.

We were early for the appointment so I got to really take in the atmosphere of the salon. It was the first time I had ever been in a salon of this type fully dressed. On prior occasions in shops in London I had always gone in male mode which isn't the same kind of experience. There was lots of friendly conversation and I asked if many crossdressers/transvestites visited the salon. Linda caters for a whole range of people and our community is most welcome and is offered a specialised service.

Taking the opportunity to do another girly thing and read Grazia. I never new what a nice quality magazine it was and it gave me lots of ideas for future purchases.

As you can see from this photo the salon has been designed so well. It was very spacious and I was able to walk about. On this occasion I took the opportunity to redo my lipstick in one of the many mirrors.

Linda took her time to put me at ease and ask what I had in mind for the styling and to give me her advice. Linda also gave me some expert make up advice.

To be honest I could have spent all day there. With renewed courage we made our way back to the car. Still windy but my head held high in my newly styled wig and I felt so good.

We decided to get some sea air so made our way to the sea front where we had a bag of chips for lunch and then made our way further up the coast. We parked up and this is always when I get the most nervous about being out dressed. The weather was taking a turn for the worse and it was so windy and there was a distinct chill in the air. Back in the car and now for the journey home.

Girly Tuesday

Last Tuesday I had the day off. It was a bit unexpected but I took advantage of it. My wife unfortunately had to go to work. She said when leaving why don't you dress and take yourself out. I am always a bit worried when I'm out on my own dressed enfemme. The other thing about dressing on my own is doing my make-up. To be honest I'm completely useless at it. My wife isn't that good at it either. We've both decided to do a make-up course somewhere. Probably close to where we work would be better.

Anyway I started doing the make-up and every time I stood back to look at myself in the mirror I wanted to just take it all off and leave it. Anyway after me sending whinging texts to my wife and her sending back encouraging texts I eventually got it done. The nail varnish though was a complete catastrophe. So it had to come off and left the house without it.

I drove to the coast and when I got to the car park I couldn't believe how many people were there and then it dawned on me that of course it was half term. I drove straight back out and text my wife I was leaving. She said to go back and sit there for a while to calm down. So with renewed courage I did just that. Sitting there with people staring at me was very unnerving. The urge to get out the car was very strong, so strong I overcame my fear and opened the car door. I could see and feel people staring but with a pair of sunglasses on I could see who was doing what without making eye contact with anyone.

Standing outside the car I felt so good. The wind ruffling my hair and clothes. I put on my coat as it was very cold and then walked away towards the sea wall. It was a distance of about 50 yards but immediately I was aware of a younger man who got out of his car and a much older man standing by a lamppost who both followed me. It was a mixture of anticipation and excitement. I didn't think for one moment that I was in any danger.

I did my girly walk as I've been instructed by my wife to do. I was now walking amongst many others. Of course I got looks I would be surprised if I didn't. As there were so many I was unable to get any photos. I walked for about a quarter of a mile with my two admirers in tow. I spent sometime sitting on a bench and they both walked passed by me. Presumably they didn't want be seen too close to a crossdresser. Eventually one of them walked off and the other younger man followed me back to my car. He got in his and I turned and gave him a smile and he smiled back. I left and he followed but he eventually lost me in the traffic. I then made my way to an area of heathland/woodland that I know fairly well.

I got there about half an hour later and parked up. Surprising there was only one car there. I was just checking my lipstick (I love lipstick) when a small van turned up and parked just a few feet away from me. I could see him staring at me but it didn't deter me and I got out of the car. I walked on a pathway that took me behind the car park. I was only two minutes into my walk and concentrating not getting my feet too wet or muddy when I looked behind me to see the man from the van walking behind me. I kept walking and eventually he caught up to me. He struck up a conversation asking me all sorts. I asked him if wouldn't mind taking a photo of me and he did.

 

We walked and talked a bit more and then he stopped me and started to fondle me. He asked what I was wearing underneath and I told him. He wanted to see and to take another photo of me.

 

It's very strange that I wouldn't class myself as gay or bi and it is only in girly mode that I would even allow this. It does cause me some guilt and I agonise over it.

He eventually walked on as he thought he heard someone coming. I walked around for a bit more enjoying my girly time. Being dressed is one of the best things for me. Like so many other transvestites it keeps me sane. But inevitably the guilt does follow and then I bring it all into question.

This is me on an earlier trip to the coast.

I'm looking forward to my next girly trip out. Perhaps one of you could join me.

Awake early again but this time for a good reason.

Got woken up early this morning from a really deep sleep. My wife heard a noise so I had to do my manly thing and go check the house. It turned out to be some dick head in his car playing his music really loud. It was 3.45am!! Can you believe that. Went back to bed to try and get back to that cosy place but it didn't happen.

My mind has been racing since then because I've got this urge to go out dressed in public for the first time without my wife with me. But the fear is equally as urgent. I really want to go to our local shopping centre and buy something and maybe sit and have a cuppa somewhere. But I'm put off by many things not least that it's half term and there'll be lots of kids about to start something or make fun of me.

It took me years to build up the courage and just go for it. I go out with my wife from time to time. I do get scared and I do feel guilty about it. I agonise over what will happen if I get outed by someone. As far as I know only 4 people know about my crossdressing. Two I don't have any contact with anymore and of the other two one is my wife. The other a female friend I'm not sure about. I think I told her in one of my low moments some years ago but can't be sure. The relationship between us chilled sometime ago after a bitter row and I have to accept that she may tell or may have told other people.

Walking out feels very natural and I love the feel of being out and the fact that poeple know I'm a crossdresser. As I said in an earlier post I don't look convincing and having people accept me for what I am feels so good. This is me when I built up courage to go for a walk on a bridge crossing the M25.

I suppose the more I dress to go out the more likely it will be that I get caught. It's inevitable isn't it. But I feel driven to be me and me is a crossdresser. I have no wish to become a woman, but just to be like one.

Ever been caught?

I've been caught. It was a shock too to be honest. It was back in the day when I wasn't as brave as I am now and believe me I'm not that brave now. My wife is my backbone.

My ex-wife worked in London where we lived at the time. The company she worked for used to require her to visit a Printers in Bury St Edmunds on a regular weekly business trip. It just so happened that on the same day I had a scheduled day off and used to drive her there. She would spend all day at their premises and I would take myself off to the local woods which was Thetford Forest. I used to visit a picnic area which I believe was called Kings. I'd got into the habit of taking my girlie things with me and when parked up changing into them. As it was fairly secluded I would park up by the woods and walk a short way in. Never spending more than a minute or so out like this because of the fear of being caught.

On this occasion it was a very hot day and I had changed into my girly things which included a short mini skirt, fishnet stockings with black suspenders and short heels. I laid out on a towel and started to play with myself but couldn't relax because if another car came in I would be seen. I remembered that in the boot was a wind break so I put this up and between that and an open car door I felt safe. I started to play. It was such a lovely day. I looked up at the clouds and fell into this kind of stupor feeling the knickers, stockings and shoes with a little mini skirt. It felt so good and I wanted the feeling to last. So I came to the brink many times. I was so chilled out I then fell asleep. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep but woke up to a noise to find this guy standing over me playing with himself.

I panicked and just jumped onto my feet and rushed into the car and drove off leaving the wind break, towel and some other things behind. I was shaking as it was the first time I had ever encountered anyone while dressed. I drove around for about for an hour or so and eventually when my panic subsided I went back. No one was about but my things were still there. I quickly grabbed them and then left. It was sometime after that I reflected on this encounter and got excited about it. I went back many times but never saw the other man again.

I always laugh about it when I think that the other guy must have really freaked out too.

I've read some really startling stories about some being caught by bosses and wife and other family members and friends. Now that would really freak me out.

Colder and Windier

Further to this morning's blog we went to the coast. It was so much colder and windier than it was at home. I was wearing a red woollen shift dress, fishnet stockings, pink knickers and fishnet hold-ups with Mary Jane shoes. When I got out of the car I couldn't believe how icy the wind was. It was much cosier in the car. We got there about 10am which was late for us. Not many people about. I spent about half an hour walking about with my wife while she took photos.

Of course I had to wear a coat because it was so cold but when the wind blew the coat wasn't any protection. We stopped off while my wife went to some local shops and she brought me back a pair of red gloves to match the dress. When we got back to the car there was a car which was parked right next to ours. Two oriental men got out the car but didn't take any notice, or at least they seemed not to.

We then moved further down the coast and stopped in a car park and went for a another walk. It wasn't any warmer. It's so funny when other people are about because you never know what the reaction will be. I do get stares but most don't stare for long. We got a few more photos but didn't stay for long. In the car park  I met a man I had seen before and he said hello which was nice.

Looking forward to my next walk as I enjoy it so much. It's funny how I have a mixture of apprehension and exhilaration when out like this.

As you can see from the photos there isn't any mistaking that I am a man dressed in female attire. I don't pretend to be the perfect woman but just a man dressed enfemme.

Cold and Windy

I couldn't wait for the weekend to dress up. Yesterday started off a bit odd. I knew our car needed a MOT but didn't know the date. So while on the way to work I called my wife and asked her to find the Certificate and let me know the date. 5 minutes later she called to say it ran out on the 13th. That wasn't so bad until she added October!!!

So I've driving about all that time without a valid MOT. I would have to leave the car at work, but that meant no car for the weekend and no going out dressed anywhere. I don't feel confident enough to walk out from home fully enfemme. Anyway the upshot is that we've hired a car for the weekend.

As I said I couldn't wait for the weekend to be with my wife and to dress up so Friday night was the start of it but couldn't bring myself to dress up. It's a mixture of tiredness and guilt. I feel guilty a lot and wonder how other TVs cope with it. At a friends house some weeks back (another TV) we had a brief chat about the guilt thing. She said she had never felt guilt and while her wife was alive she had been fully accepting of it. Well my wife is fully accepting of it as well so what is the difference between us then? Well my friend came into crossdressing as an adult, but my earliest memories are from when I was 5 years old. So could it be that those early years of being imprinted of what a boy should and shouldn't do are the key to my guilty feelings? I'd be interested to know what your view is.

So Friday night was a wash out as far as dressing up was concerned but Saturday is different. The battle between the guilt and the compulsion to dress was won and I sit here wearing a Little Black Dress , knickers and shoes. I did my usual walk to the end of the drive but I rushed back inside not because of the usual panic about neighbours seeing me but because it is so cold and windy.

An online friend has been trying to get me so I'm waiting for her to contact me again. She told her wife about crossdressing and she didn't take it too well and although she has chilled somewhat he said it is still a sensitive issue. It begs the question though doesn't it that what is it that women find so difficult to accept? I would love to know. My wife accepted it almost without question so maybe I should start my investigation there.

My wife said I should dress up this morning and she'll take me for a drive to the coast. I've been there before and got out of the car and went for a walk with her for about half a mile. I managed on that day in daylight to stay away from the car and stay out in full view of the public for more than an hour and a half. When I look back on the experience I still can't believe I did it. Some people really stared but some to my surprise even said hello to us and it was a mixture of both male and female. The other thing to add is that as a Crossdresser/Transvestite, I don't look to good so it isn't like people will pay no attention to me. I really do look like a 'geezer in drag'.

I might post again later but for now I want to go surfing.

A nice opportunity before work

Up at 4am today, couldn't sleep. Didn't get home till about 10.30 after finishing late a work. So one of those days where I'm tired but can't sleep. Took the opportunity though to dress up for a while before getting ready for work at 5.30.

I'm wearing a little black dress, shoes and knickers. Still very dark outside so walked out the house while no one is about. I often do this. Just walk from the house to stand on the roadside. You get the odd car go by and I step back into the shadows. When I look back at my house and those of the neighbours I often think if anyone else is up watching me. Sometimes the thought scares me and I rush back and other times I think what the hell and so what.

Although it's not that cold outside I didn't stay out for that long. Only about 5 minutes, but just that little exposure does me so much good. Like so many other Transvestites I feel chilled. I'll have a good day to day because I'll be thinking that earlier today I was dressed up.

I've been thinking about going for a walk along the coast at some point. It will be a big thing for me as the walk I want to do is very public and it's about two miles. I'll have to buy myself some decent shoes to do the walk, but despite my efforts and those of my wife we can't find a suitable pair. I don't want flats but a small heel of about an inch but also a wedge shoe. I find them comfortable. Been looking for a pair of Mary Janes.

A typical short trip

I try to take every opportunity to Crossdress although to be honest I don't always fancy the idea. Typically when me and my wife take a short trip I dress up.

I will normally put on a girly top, short skirt, hold-ups and shoes and travel like this. The only make-up I use is lipstick. That's because it's easy to get it off when I arrive. I don't usually wear a wig. I wear a pair of earings that really can't be missed as they are hoops, sometimes a pink pair.

I suppose some of you would say that I wouldn't look that feminine looking like this but for me it isn't always about looking femme and trying to pass as a woman. More for me it's about being a man dressed in feminine clothes. I know I must look odd but it is me and it's who I am.

Sitting in the passenger seat up front I get plenty of looks. Wearing sunglasses helps me look to see who is looking at me without making eye contact.

When I arrive if there aren't too many people about I get brave and stand outside the car for a photo opportunity. My wife is very supportive in this aspect.

I'm still mainly in the closet with only a few people knowing what I am. Yes, like the majority of you I am worried about the consequences of being outed. I know one day it will happen and I will deal with it when it comes.

I have lots of questions, and lots of doubts too, about Transvestism and all its aspects. In future blogs I'll try to explain them. Some questions are obvious to those of us who have been through the dreaded 'purge' is why the hell do we do it? Why is there so much prejudice within the crossdressing community (I include transexuals in this without wishing to offend)? Why are we ridiculed by 'normal people'? Why are most transvestites so scared to come out of the closet? Is guilt a necessary trait for most of us transvestites. Who remembers the TV/TS club in Essex Rd, Shoreditch and then Liverpool Road? Who remembers Yvonne Sinclair?

I'm interested in pursuing some intellectual debate around these questions and more besides.